Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
