She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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