hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want a musical about memes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
