I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
