shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
