i barfeds in our rink
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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