Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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