i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
