I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
