Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
