i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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