Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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