You made me cry and you don't even care
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
