after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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