...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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