Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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