My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
