Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
