we're blogging at a bar
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
