The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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