If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
