I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
