my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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