I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
