Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
