I wish you could order shots online.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
