You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
