She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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