Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
