I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
