5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
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