so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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