cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
50% drunk capacity currently
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
