TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
