I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
