so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
did i just pee glitter
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