I have demons in me.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
