remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
