just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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