couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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