Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
