Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
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I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.