I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.