Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!

(650): View more from California

LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!

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(415): WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!! (650): LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops! http://tfl.nu/mj23

Replies (4) Good night (1149) Bad night (907)
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(734): View more from Michigan

i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened

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(734): i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened http://tfl.nu/eey2

Replies (4) Good night (902) Bad night (603)
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(804): View more from Virginia

i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.

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(804): i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick. http://tfl.nu/aodk

Replies (2) Good night (1590) Bad night (598)
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(512): View more from Texas

in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"

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(512): in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size" http://tfl.nu/ckqj

Replies (35) Good night (1360) Bad night (7767)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Then she called me a home wrecking whore.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.

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(702): Then she called me a home wrecking whore. (1-702): dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count. http://tfl.nu/bp07

Replies (15) Good night (5987) Bad night (1168)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship

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(252): I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship http://tfl.nu/ldcl

Replies (21) Good night (4386) Bad night (1372)
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(517): View more from Michigan

Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.

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(517): Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever. http://tfl.nu/fx8m

Replies (21) Good night (4614) Bad night (1515)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight

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(780): I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight http://tfl.nu/0wae

Replies (2) Good night (1639) Bad night (827)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.

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(201): There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now. http://tfl.nu/urj5

Replies (3) Good night (1497) Bad night (730)
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(458): View more from Oregon

I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.

(350): View more from

You are my idol.

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(458): I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation. (350): You are my idol. http://tfl.nu/xq85

Replies (21) Good night (3372) Bad night (994)
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(626): View more from California

Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.

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(626): Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here. http://tfl.nu/81th

Replies (3) Good night (2022) Bad night (715)
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(207): View more from Maine

Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.

(1-207): View more from Maine

They want yo temporarily sterile ass.

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(207): Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong. (1-207): They want yo temporarily sterile ass. http://tfl.nu/285n

Replies (9) Good night (1475) Bad night (463)
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(904): View more from Florida

It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics

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(904): It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics http://tfl.nu/x92g

Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (345)
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(818): View more from California

I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room

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(818): I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room http://tfl.nu/ovpj

Replies (6) Good night (689) Bad night (283)
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(407): View more from Florida

I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating

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(407): I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating http://tfl.nu/dhhy

Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (222)

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