dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.