Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked