i just had sex bonerless
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.