All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it