Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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