You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
