So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Your penis caused this!
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