I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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