So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
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His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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