is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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