And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
