ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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