Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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