You work out of a Hotel?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
