i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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