dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
