I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
