I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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