She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
nutella sex= disaster
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
