I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
