update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
