people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
