why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
