all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
