yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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