It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
