I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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