I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
and you fell through a lawn chair
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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