I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
