I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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