Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
