someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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