mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
